They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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