I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
