why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
