i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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