I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
