Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
