i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
