Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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