Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
