Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
