So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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