Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
