So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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