Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
