Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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