One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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