I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
