I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
