Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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