well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
then he tried to convert me to islam
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
