Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
