Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the day after is always just damage control
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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