Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
