Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize