My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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