i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
