its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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