i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
