I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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