They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize