My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
