i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
