I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize