I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
