Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
