i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
