I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
