two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
