Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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