I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
barbara walters just said penis...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
