Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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