some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
