dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
