After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
