I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
