Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
