My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
