me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
