yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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