id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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