Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
