Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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