he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
