i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
