if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
