I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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