Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ttyl tear gas
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
