in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
