I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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