there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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