I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize