Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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