I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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