I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
