I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
