the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
