1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
