She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
