She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
