You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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